Re-Integration

Today I finally came to a conclusion why re-integration feels so much worse than integration.

It may sound strange why I would think about that being in a new country, but I was so much surprised by that, when I went to Uzbekistan this year, that I've spent quite some time thinking about that.

Usually I adapt really fast to a new country and I don't feel like having a culture shock here (not so far, at least). And I don't remember having anything like that in Kiev. Of course, it doesn't mean I like absolutely everything or not get stressed at times, but that is just normal. As it was before.

But, when I came back to Tashkent I really felt "culturally shocked". Mostly for personal reasons (not connected with the country or city or anything external), but still... Not that I was too disappointed or didn't enjoy my visit, but still I expected a better experience.

So, the explanation that came to my mind today is basically that when you come to a new country, you expect new things, ambience, and life. And whatever happens you just accept it as it is. As it should be. Good or bad. This just the way people live in another country. You may take it for yourself or leave out. And of course you can keep something inner, something truly yours. And then you get used to it. As if you've been living there for the whole life. It's not worse, not better, just different.

The thing is that people tend to remember only the good things. And after you move from a country (whether it's your motherland or anywhere where you've spent a long time), you gradually forget any drawbacks it has or, even if you don't, they just fade away. And then you have this perfect static picture of your country.

Problems start when you actually come back and realize that it's not that perfect as you used to think. And then there is the contradiction: somehow, you feel it's your country and deep inside you know that it's the way it is and it should have some drawbacks, but since it is so much your country you just don't want to accept this. You try to embrace the reality, but the picture often influenced by the reality of the new country, always stays.

Not sure whether it's a real explanation or just something I created for myself to sooth the memory :) Let's see, how it goes in the future :)